Nothing prepares us for parenthood. I was having a conversation with someone recently who was telling me that they wanted to make sure they were "prepared" before they started to have children. I remember thinking and saying, "nothing prepares you for parenthood. You will never have enough money saved or the right house or being in the perfect place to have children." I shared with this friend that Shannon and I used to say the same thing. We too, wanted to be prepared but we could have saved for years and planned but I don't believe that's how God wants it or at least not for us. I have learned that when it comes to God and my story He allows my dreams to come to fruition at the most unexpected times but I also realize His timing is always perfect and never planned out by me.
Many times in life we have to be willing to "just get out of the boat" and trust. I'm a risk taker and love the adventure, my wife loves the planned adventure; I love her for that. We balance each other well and when we disagree on things we find a way to agree to disagree. In the last year we have grown up figuring out this parenting thing. We both remember thinking, "they are letting us take this baby home?".."we have no idea what we are doing." It was a scary feeling but so exciting all at the same time. It was forcing us outside of our comfort zone and pushing us into the greatness of parenthood. A year has gone by and our son is still alive. Obviously we have done something right and no planning was done. We give him the one thing as parents that we can give endlessly and something so many children today don't have; we love him unconditionally.
I remember telling a friend that I missed teaching. I told them that I felt like I was wasting my purpose in life. This friend quickly reminded me that in this season of life God was using this time for me to teach in a different way. He has me using my gifts for my son. I remember sitting with that for a few days and then I realized it was Grayson that was also teaching me. This little boy teaches me patience, love, understanding, selflessness, sacrifice, how to just laugh at the smallest of things... this list could go on. I learn something new everyday. I remember saying to a former student who was questioning the fact that I wasn't "creating" art anymore and asked if I was worried about that. I looked at this younger soul who has so much growing up to do and said, "look at this picture of my son,...THIS is the greatest thing I have ever created. You don't understand now, but one day...you will."
I know I will never be the perfect father; that person doesn't exist in anyone. But, everyday I continue to grow up, learn from my son and embrace this new life called parenthood with Grayson.